I’m sorry.

I’ve been a very bad boy. I’m sure all six of you out there that read this were wondering what the hell was going on. Did Jeremy die? Did he get into a horribly disfiguring car accident? Did he just decide that his daily travails by no means warrant Internet dissemination?

Of course not. I’m just lazy.

But what I’ve been lacking on the information super-highway I’ve made up for in “real life”. Translated: I’ve actually been “doing shit”.

To whit:

About a week ago, my friend Melissa mentioned that Adam Brody (Seth Cohen on “The O.C.” for those of you who just came out of cryogenic freeze) and Kristin Cavalleri from “Laguna Beach” were going to be on Jimmy Kimmel Live on September 7th. Given that no one actually watches Jimmy Kimmel Live, getting tickets turned out to be about as easy as getting a flyer for a strip club in Vegas.

So, having obtained tickets, I had the ultimate brainstorm: T-shirts. What better way to say “Hey Kristin, I’m some weirdo stalker tourist guy, look at me!” than to make some t-shirts. Of course, I had this little brainstorm the day before the filming, so what the hell was I to do? Enter Amy. Or, rather, enter Amy’s iron-on letters. After a trip to Target to get an appropriate shirt, Amy and I set about to make our mark. Or at least look like complete and utter retards.

Here’s me trying to cut an “M” into an “N”. I did a decent job, given my complete lack of fine motor skills, except it ended up being backwards. Amy prompty did it correctly. (I have no idea why I’m wearing a shirt with tags on it. Whatever)

Subtle, yet hard hitting. And really, is there anything wrong with a 27 year old man soliciting a barely-18-year-old strumpet’s hand in marriage? I say no. The restraining order says yes. I guess the world may never know.

Here, a poor, malnourished Polynesian boy works on a garment for slave-labor wages. As you can see, the lack of proper food and medicine has taken its toll on the worker. His hair is falling out, and you can see the distended belly, typical of malnutrition. Oh, wait…that’s just Amy. And she’s ironing on the letters. My bad. (And really, when is a sweatshop joke not funny?)

Amy’s finished product. Notice how she chose a totally inconspicious and barely-visible color scheme. This will come into play later when she shys away from the cameras during the taping of the show.

This shirt rocks. Okay, so it’s a bit “Halloween”. Sue me.

Here’s the finished shirts. Pretty pimp, if you ask me. Click it if you really need it full size.

Soon, I’m gonna post the video from the taping. Suffice it to say, all the effort to make these shirts certainly did not go in vain. And Kristin, if you’re out there, forget what I said about Trishelle. You the only one for me.