What can be said about this? What? This makes the whole “Jason and Kristin macking on each other at the MTV VMA’s” thing even better. And poor, poor Dieter. Don’t you think he wants to kill himself right now? So he’s totally into Jessica in season one (remember the “Jess, Prom?” sign that the little fuckhead couldn’t set up right?) and then she’s all boning Jason in season two. I mean, it’s sorta like if you’re Rick Moranis and your girl breaks up with you and starts dating Tyson Beckford. You pretty much have to kill yourself, right? What else can you do?

(Perhaps have gay sex with Stephen. I’m not sayin’….I’m just sayin’.)

But the real question is, what’s up with Alex? No, no, not Alex “M”, the raven-haired chick with the stank-pussy, but the “other” Alex. Why didn’t she get a top-billed slot on the show? Why is she relegated to “______’s friend”, along with other retards like “Polster”, “Dieter” and “Cedric”? Is it because she’s 47 feet tall? Because I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but, um, she is. Is it because she never really says anything interesting? Well, perhaps that’s it. But she’s my new love.

I mean, Jessica may have the rack and look darn good in pig tails, and Kristin may have the body and that “fuck you” attitude that’s so hot, but Alex has that something. Perhaps the French would call it that certain “I don’t know what”. Or maybe it’s that “I wonder what it’s like to bone a 47 foot tall woman” vibe that’s so sexy. Whatever it is, she’s got it.

But really…LC and Jason? I know it’s TV and all, but tell me, oh intrepid Jeremyabramson.com audience: How many times in recorded history did chicks who GRADUATED high school come back and bone high school seniors? Now, your first response might be, “Well, if the seniors at my high school looked like Jason [that is to say, looked like they were pushing 30] then it might have happened” but that’s not good enough. I mean, maybe my highschool was weird, but there’s no way in HELL any girl that had graduated was going to come back and hook up with someone younger than her. Just not possible.

Lastly, um, I want to give a little hint to all the guys out there who might be a little confused after this week’s show: Yes, Jason gets a lot of pussy. But you don’t. And driving a tiny little hot-rod that doesn’t have doors is a little homo. I know, I know, it worked for Jason, but keep in mind, he’s the world’s only high school senior who actually has a 401-k plan and is eligible for social security. It won’t work for you. If you’re taking a girl on a date, leave the fagmobile at home.