Jeremy: This is simple: The Lions are horrible. The Steelers are not. The Steelers are going to win by 17 points.

Since there’s nothing really to add, let’s all tip our respective caps to Jerome Bettis, who will probably retire after this season. He’s considered one of the league’s nicest guys and all…but doesn’t anyone remember when he left Notre Dame early, and was considered a bit of a “character” risk when he was drafted by the Rams? If only Lawrence Phillips had moved on to the Steelers as well

Pick: Steelers

Random note: The Steelers used to have a WR named Louis Lipps, one of the all-time great NFL names. Not Carlester Crumpler (a former Seahawks TE) great, but still pretty good.

Am I the only one who misses the early 90’s Lions run-and-shoot days? I like how, especially in the college game, “Spread” offenses are considered en vogue (see: Texas Tech, Utah, Northwestern), but if you were to mention the name “run and shoot” you’d probably elicit derisive sneers. Football people are fucking morons sometimes.

Jeremy: My esteemed colleauge Bill Simmons (ESPN’s “Sports Guy”) is picking the Dolphins to cover this week, against his beloved Pats, and I don’t really know why. Are the Pats resting all of their starters? Or is he buying into the notion that the Pats don’t want a win, because that might send them to Pittsburgh or something, versus an easier first-round matchup if they lose?

I don’t buy it. The champs are the champs, and they’re going to come out and try and win. By a touchdown. Or more. And yes, Tom Brady is the MVP. (And don’t get me started on how I narrowly escaped defeat at the hands of Linebacker Mike Vrabel and his 43543543 TD catches against the Jets last monday night)

Pick: Patriots

Random note: Steve Grogan (former Pats QB) is quite possibly the worst player in all of Tecmo Super Bowl.

I once had a completely horrid Miami Dolphins cap. For some reason “earth tones” where in — and by “in” I mean in the same way that Zubaz pants where in — and it was this weird earthy green and maroonish color. God that hat was horrible.

Jeremy: So Byron Leftwitch wants to come back, but backup David Garrard has performed well in his absence. Who to start?

Doesn’t really matter. I can’t see the Titans putting up that much of a fight here. I’m a big Steve McNair fan, and I’ve always thought Jeff Fischer teams were well coached, but this squad just doesn’t have any talent. They’re the Mischa Barton of the NFL. HEY-oh!

But really folks, I don’t see why the Jags can’t win by more than a field goal, even though their playoff seeding is set and they may rest many of their starters. Also, it’s late and I’m not really interested enough to try and pick a road upset. Sue me.

Pick: Jaguars

Random note: The Titans used to be the Houston Oilers, which is my team of choice in Tecmo Super Bowl. There’s a couple of plays in that game that simply cannot be stopped unless you have Derrick Thomas or Lawrence Taylor. With the Oilers stable of WRs (Givins, Hill, Jeffries and Duncan) and Warren Moon’s passing accuracy, they’re pretty hard to beat. (Although Lo White is the fumblingest back in the game, so look out there.) At any rate, in case you were wondering, here’s my bread and butter. You know it’s coming, stop it if you can:

I can’t think of a single interesting thing to say about the Jags. They play in Jacksonville, for fuck’s sake.

Jeremy: Ah! A home dog! You know how much we love those. This game is interesting because it actually has playoff implications. And yes, count me among those amazed that the Redskins, behind Mark Fucking Brunell are actually going to make the playoffs. Although after seeing the “Cribs” featuring ‘Skins running back Clinton Portis, I think I understand a little more about where their mojo comes from.

Also, the Eagles are horrible. Not that they’re going to roll over and die in this game, not with Andy Reid manning the sidelines. (Side note: Has anyone else noticed that coach Reid looks exactly like “Liam”, Jesus’ bowling partner from “The Big Lebowski”? Am I the only one who sees this?)

Pick: Redskins

Random note: What ever happened to [former Redskins WR] Michael Westrbrook? Or Carl Pickens, for that matter? How do some top-notch WRs just fade away into nothingness, while guys like Terry Glenn and Keyshawn Johnson stick around? Football is a fickle, fickle sport.

I’d pay probably $50 to see [Eagles WR] Todd Pinkston and [Former NBA player] Keon Clark in a cage match. Honestly. Who’s with me?