We’re back with the next installment of JeremyAbramson.com™ presents: The Real World, Ultimate Hump List.

Check out numbers 58-51, plus the rules, here.
Check out numbers 50-41 here.

40. Irene Berrera-Kearns, Los Angeles (Season 2)
In one of the strangest casting decisions ever, the genuises at Bunim-Murray decided to cast a freakin’ cop in LA. I’m sure that would have gone over real well in Chicago. I’d imagine Irene would have dug watching Tonya do blow off some hooker’s cooch. They’d have become fast friends, I’m sure. At any rate, apparently they just put her on the show so they could show her wedding, which is a commentary on how far this show has come, more than anything. Think about that for a second: at one point, there were a bunch of producers for the Real World in a room, and they sat there and thought to themselves “Yeah, we’ll cast this cop. And then we’ll show her getting married! It’ll be great TV!”. And to think, it only took them ten more years before they figured out that what really made great TV was Brynn getting naked in a hot tub with Trishelle. Fucking genuises.

39. Beth Anthony, Los Angeles (Season 2)
Replacing Irene when she moved out of the house was Beth A. Now, if you remember — and I’m sure you all do, seeing as it was only, what, 15 years ago? — right before Beth A. moved in, they showed “cliffhanger” scenes for the next episode. In these scenes was a montage of the other castmates saying things like “gorgeous”, “beautiful”, and even showed Glen saying “Playboy Playmate”. Now, to this day, I still feel like I missed an episode in between, wherein this gorgeous playmate moved in. Cuz all I remmeber is that Beth A. moved in. And Beth A. might be a lot of things (”busty”, “lesbian” and “relatively cool” come to mind), but Playboy Playmate certainly aint one of them. She does get points, however, for likely being the first (and sadly, still one of the only) gay people on TV who didn’t entirely base their personalities on the minor detail of which gender they chose to be romantically involved in. When they played the “question and answer” game, it was refreshing to see her yell at her roomies for only gay-related questions (she said something to effect of “there’s so much more to me than the fact that I fuck women”).

38. Irene McGee, Seattle (Season 7)
Now, I’m sure Lyme disease is no laughing matter. However, going completely mental in front of a national TV audience is. And no one quite did it like the little curly-haired chick from the Seattle cast. I’m not exactly one to advocate violence against women, but I actually stood up and cheered when Stephen slapped her. I’d been wanting to do the same thing all season. Other than that, the little “her flirting with Nathan” subplot was fun for awhile though…until Nathan’s smoking hot girlfriend came to town. Yeah, sorry Irene. You lose.

37. Julie Oliver, New York (Season 1)
News flash: Julie cast as the “hottie” of season one. Melinda cast as the “hottie” of season 16. Sixteen years later, Bunim-Murray production team also catching on to other trends, such as the horseless carriage and electricity.

36. Flora Alekseyeun, Miami (Season 5)
The Real World’s first bona-fide slut. Also holds the coveted “Worst Widow Peak” title for all of Bunim-Murray Productions. We all loved how she flashed her goodies for one of Sarah’s friends — on videotape, nonetheless — and then threatened the poor dude with a lawsuit after she realized what she’d done. I bet the dude/billionaire who started Girls Gone Wild was sitting there at home (actually, he was probably living at his parent’s parents house) and thought to himself, “There’s bitches this stupid all over the country! All I need is a good release form….” Regardless, her calling her whack-ass boyfriend “low class” and then setting the phone down and leaving is easily a Real World Classic Moment. Right up there with Vaj screaming “WHORE! WHORE!” at Montana (Which, of course, begs an interesting question: Who in their right mind would pay to have sex with Montana? Cuz whores get paid, right? Actually, I’d imagine a dude named “Vaj” would probably have to pay to have sex with just about anybody. But I digress….)

35. Coral Smith, Back to New York (Season 10)
Girls are fond of saying that all guys care about is boobs. If that were the case, Coral would rank top-5 on this list, no questions asked. Seeing as how you occasionally have to actually talk to a woman you’re boinking, she ranks here, at 35. You do the math.

34. Rebecca Blasband, New York (Season 1)
Awww…good ol’ Becky from season one. The folk-rock singer with a heart of gold. I thought she was sort hot, until I saw the dude from production she boned when they went on their trip to Jamaica. Back to the whole “relationship transitivity” thing…I’m pretty sure it reflects poorly on you if you hook up with a girl who previously boned a dude with a mullet. I’ll have to ask for an official ruling on that, though. Regardless, Becky is also notable as the only person at the reunion of the first four casts (out of nearly 40) to say that she wouldn’t do the whole thing over again. No word as to whether that’s because she realized if she did the thing over, she’d have to fuck a guy with a mullet, again.

33. Melissa Padrón, Miami (Season 5)
At 33, we’ve got the self-proclaimed “little ethnic girl”. Now, seeing as we’re both Cuban, I must say that I don’t really think Melissa did a good job of representing us. First off, she moved out toward the end of the season (for reasons that are unknown to me. I think — gasp — I might have actually missed some episodes there. Anyone want to clear this up?). Then there was that epic fight with Dan over reading his mail. C’mon now, Melissa! You’re better than that! And then, of course, there was the historic threesome in the shower with Mike and some waitress chick. Now, she gets points for getting it on with a girl, but all in all, she really didn’t have anything interesting to say. She also loses major points because after I went to my first family reunion in Miami, I realized that I was related to just about everyone in the city, and there’s a nontrivial chance that Melissa is some distant cousin of mine.

32. Rachel Campos, San Fransisco (Season 3)
Rachel was cast as the hottie for her season, although seeing as though her competition for the spot was Cory and Pam, that’s a little like saying Goebbels was the “friendly” nazi. Regardless, after Julie and the debacle that was the Los Angeles cast, Rachel is probably the first really attractive girl they cast on the show. Given that she’s a republican, and seemed totally drama on her season, that’s probably about the best thing I can say about her.

31. Jacinda Barrett, London (Season 4)
Probably a bit of an upset to have her here, at 31, considering she’s a “supermodel”. Although that’s such a watered down term these days. Have you ever heard of anyone who’s just a normal “model”, without the super? Even that stupid show apparently casts for “America’s Top” model, which is probably even better than being “super”. Although that seems a big like false advertising, seeing how I sincerely doubt that anyone who’s on that show — much less the people who win it — will ever become America’s top anything. But I guess I’m digressing. The point is Jacinda married Chris Hardwick (the dude from Singled Out). And if you’ve seen him more recently as the host of “Shipmates”, you realize what a indictment that is. The guy looks like what’d happen if you took Tim Roth, coked him up for three days, and filled him with helium. That, coupled with the fact she was in a crap movie like Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason means there’s no way she cracks the top 30.

Things are getting interesting now, as we’re entering the second half of the countdown! Where will your favorites end up? Stay tuned and find out!