It’s Match Game™ time here at JeremyAbramson.com!

While out at a bar one night, my friend Sam started this thing where he equated everyone’s “game” (in terms of picking up chicks) to basketball players. So along those lines, see if you can match the following scouting reports (courtesy of the Jeremy Abramson scouting service) with the person who has that style “game”.

1. Gary Payton: Smooth game, although he’s slowing down with age. Can get into the lane, but can’t dunk or finish in traffic. Used to be a top notch defender, but can get beat by quicker guards these days. Still considers himself a top notch talent, despite recent decline in skills. Fearless competitor can help a contending squad.
2. Vernon Maxwell: Nicknamed “Mad Max” for his crazy on-court antics. Once slugged a fan in the stands and got a 10 game suspension. Solid defender, great shooter from deep. Despite rocky career, once dropped 51 in a game. Was arrested for failure to pay child support. A natural talent who lets his craziness get in the way of performing on the court.
3. Mark “Mad Dog” Madsen: All out effort. Makes his living off of hustle and determination. Picks up a lot of garbage time baskets. No real athletic ability to speak of, but still manages to collect an NBA paycheck. Can throw it down every once in awhile, but is never a primary offensive weapon. Brings lots of energy off the bench and is fearless once he’s on the court.
4. Yao Ming: Should be a superstar, but for some reason just isn’t. Doesn’t seem to have a combative passion that the great ones have. Can get pushed around if there is competition for the ball. With his body, should be much better, but seems content to finesse his way through games. Perhaps was overrated from the beginning. A solid competitor, but not the superstar some predicted now that he’s settled as the second option on his team.
5. Cedric Ceballos: Surprising scorer. Not real skilled, but has a nose for the basket. Can have a number of off days, but then will drop 40 on a squad out of nowhere. Bad defender, often times will score 20 but his defender will drop 30. Can be instant offense off the bench. Has been known to taunt or show up weaker players on the offensive end, as evidenced by the time he went out of his way to embarass Kevin Garnett during Garnett’s rookie year.
6. Darius Miles: Prototypical NBA body. Just “looks” like a basketball player, yet still hasn’t reached his [seemingly] unlimited potential even though he’s been in the league for 6 years and is no longer young promising rookie. Manages to get by on his natural athleticism; doesn’t really have a “feel” for the game. When he focuses, has had some monster games, but is usually content to take what the defense gives him. Often angles for the big or flashy play at the expense of sound fundamentals.
7. Earl Boykins: Fan favorite. People are surprised he’s even in the NBA, for season after season, he gets the job done. Solid, not spectacular, he’s one of the most popular players with the fans. He’ll never throw it down, but if you sleep on him he’ll easily drop 15 coming off the bench. Plays with a lot of passion, as nothing was ever given to him. Heady; knows the ins and outs of the game.

1. Sam Greenspan
2. Jeremy Abramson
3. Jeff Reguilon
4. Dan Reardon
5. Noah Krietzman
6. Paul Jury
7. Brian Saito

Good luck, and post a comment with your matches!