Now, everyone knows that a playa loves to cuddle.

In fact, if you check the deleted scenes in American Pimp, you’ll see a scene where The Archbishop Don Magic Juan is tellin’ a bitch how he’s all about the spoonin’.

Okay, so I made that last part up. But it’s true. A true pimp is down with some snuggle time. Which is why when I saw the “Hug Me Pillow” (Pictured on the right) I was a little scared. I mean, women always rant about they don’t need us. “Give me a good vibrator, a nice shower head and a halfway decent turkey baster, and I’m a happy girl” is a common refrain. But us guys always had our one ace in the hole: where the bitches gon’ get they cuddle from?

But now what? If for the low, low price of $20, a girl can get a pillow that’ll do the job for them, maybe us men really are obsolete. I mean, a good vibrator can be had for under a hundred dollars, right? And a nice shower head should go for like fifty. Lord knows you can get a brand-spankin’ new turkey baster at Target for a finsky. Add the $20 cuddle pillow and you’re looking at everything a girl needs for under $200. That’s quite the bargain.

I guess it’s good that it’s men who design stereo and TV connections. The more you look at it the more it becomes obvious they’re designed to be horribly confusing on purpose. Because without the knowledge of how to connect that shit, women might really not have a use for us at all.