Jeremy: There really weren’t that many great gambling games on the board this week. This one seemed as good as any. I’d sorta hitched myself to the Vikes bandwagon, preseason, since I figured their defense would keep them in games, and Brad Johnson is a pretty decent QB (don’t believe me? Ask anyone who lives in the metro Phoenix, Miami, Tampa, Detroit, Buffalo, Oakland and Houston areas if they wouldn’t mind if Mr. Johnson was playing for their squad. They’d all answer a resounding “yes”).

But now I’m not so sure. And some home teams have to win, right? Honestly, I have no real reason not to pick the Vikings here, but I figure things should be settling by week 4, so I gotta go with the home team.

Pick: Bills

Brian: Not to go all Sam Greenspan on you, but seriously, what’s the deal with the ONE point spread? Is there a gambler that actually takes the Vikings plus-1? Who takes the single point when the moneyline pays more? If the Bills do win by one, what, you get your moneyback? It’s like splitting 8’s then staying on 16 hoping for a tie. This is a line for morons. So I’ll keep my pick rationale light.

Both these teams seem like they’ll finish 8-8. Let’s keep them even at 2-2. Bills win (by one).

Pick: Bills

Jeremy: Remember Barry Sanders and the run-and-shoot Lions? Whatever happened to those guys? I mean, how come nobody comments on how stupid the Lions management are that they ran Barry frickin’ Sanders out of town. Like, what do you think people would say if all the sudden Shaun Alexander says “you know what? Fuck Paul Allen. I aint playin’ no more”. It’d be the story of the century. But the Lions get a free pass.

Which brings me to my point: Is it possible the whole Matt Millen “era” is just a diabolical ploy by the Ford family to deflect criticism from the whole Barry incident? Think about it…people just bring up how bad Millen is (and lord is he bad). No one ever brings up how they ran the best running back ever (and I’m sorry, I’m not going to argue with you on this one) out of town.

Take the Rams.

Pick: Rams

Brian: Dear Roy Williams,

You like promises, huh? Well, I guarantee you don’t win 4 games all year. You had a quote a couple weeks ago saying how it’s “stupid” if you don’t put up 40 a week. THAT, my friend is “stupid”. In fact you’ve posted a paltry 37 in three weeks. Quick, name 3 starters on Green Bay not named Brett Favre. That’s right you scored 24 against that AJ Hawk led defense. I know, I know, YOU had a good game, but let’s not forget, a guarantee is a guarantee. Take mine to the bank.

Stupidly Yours,
Brian “The Raider Anti-Procreator” Saito

PS. You smell like milk.

Oh, Tory Holt goes for 150 and 2, I win my fantasy week and Rams win by a bushel… A bushel is more than 5.5, right?

Pick: Rams

Jeremy: Kurt Warner was my starting quarterback in fantasy football for the first three weeks. And to be fair, he’s put up some decent numbers. He’s ahead of Tom Brady and Carson Palmer (among others) in points. He’d be even further ahead if he didn’t turn the ball over one out of every six snaps. But that’s neither here nor there. The point is, I was the one person on the face of the earth that figured he could do something with this offense. I mean, Edge, Boldin, L-Fitz and Johnson? That’s no such a bad deal, is it?

But, at this juncture I’d like to point out that I’m starting Drew Brees this week. Against the Panthers.

Give the points.

Pick: Falcons

Brian: Why has everyone been so geeked on the Falcons? They’ve beaten Carolina and Tampa Bay; both of whom would be 0-3 if they hadn’t played one another. Conspiracy theories aside, they were run out of the building by the Saints.

HOWEVER, what’s shakier than post-Rams-Kurt Warner? Yeah, a handy from an alcoholic Alzheimer patient. Other than that? I’ll tell you; a threatened-to-be-benched for-a-rookie-after-three-games-Warner. I’ll officially set the over-under at 4.5 turnovers before we see Leinart. I am so glad the Cardinals were the trendy pre-season pick this year. For Christ’s sake it was Regis Philbin’s Superbowl pick. The Cardinals are bad and E. James wishes he was back in Indy. But hey, at least it’s a dry heat.

Mike Vick rushes for 120, throws for 115 and wins by 10.

Pick: Falcons

Jeremy: Steve McNair is easily the most confusing guy in football this year. Depending on who you read (or listen to) he’s either the savior of the Ravens, giving them the stability and “veteran leadership” they need, managing a game and making sound decisions, or he’s a doddering old fool with a colostomy bag, who will barely get out of the way long enough for them to beat bad teams, but in no way will help them beat good teams. How the hell is that possible?

And while we’re on the subject: is it just me, or is there more really, REALLY horrible sports writing now than ever before? I mean, does anyone actually know anything about the sports they write about these days? But I guess that’s not the point. The point is, take the Chargers.

Pick: Chargers

Brian: I’m a season ticket holder of the Chargers, so I don’t want to give my homer opinion and sound like a local sportswriter. Instead I’ll leave you with this…

I usually get up in the morning around 5. I do this in an effort to avoid traffic on the road and crowds at the gym. Since I workout before work, I shower at the gym. This involves being naked with anywhere from 15-30 men in a 20 minute span. In no way do I intentionally look at “areas”, but, given the lack of modesty from older men, I’m occasionally thrown a glance. The images remain fairly unsurprising and typically range anywhere from un-circumcised (they still make people like you?) to overgrown with hair (nice vagina, bro) to the rare “DAMN! That thing touches his knee!” Well, the other day there was this middle aged white dude in the shower with a tattoo on his hip. It was a heart with an arrow through it and had the name “Jose” inked across it. Hilarious, a White/Mexican gay couple? I hope they’ve adopted an Italian Pilipino Jew. And I hope that kid struggles with explaining why his parents’ names are Frank and Jose.

In case you were wondering, Shawne Merriman hits harder than Ray Lewis. He’s also murdered less people. Give the points.

Pick: Chargers