Jeremy: I like to play poker. Specifically, I like to play short-stack, low buy-in No-limit Texas Hold ‘Em tournaments. Why do I like to play these specific games? Because I make money at them. Eric Lingren - one of the best No Limit tournament players around - has a book where he advocates a very aggressive style of play with one singular goal in mind: to win the tournament.

See, I disagree with that goal. The goal, in my mind, is to make money. To make the optimal amount of money, actually. So why take chances and risk the opportunity to make money?

Why do I bring this up? Brian may not care about this game, but in my opinion, it’s a gimme line. If we were gambling, it makes more sense to gamble on this than any other game. You know, to make money.

There is, of course, the minor issue that neither Brian nor I are actually gambling any money at all, and so the games you pick might be moot. But to that I reply…

Um.

Whatever.

Take the Jets.

Pick: Jets

Brian: I have nothing to say about this game. So instead I offer you this:

I was listening to sports radio on my way to the gym this morning, Mike and Mike on ESPN, and they were discussing the location of the Superbowl. To sum it up real quick it went something like this:

Mike: Football players are pansies. The Superbowl is always in fair weather cities. Baseball players play in the cold, like Detroit.

Other Mike: You’re an idiot.

Now, as inarticulate as he was, I agree with “Other Mike”. First of all baseball players won’t play if it’s drizzling out, and yet I’ve seen football games played in a goddamn blizzard. Secondly the NFL is smart. What tourist wants to go to New Jersey to watch a Superbowl? What would they high five about? “Yeah bro, it really smells weird here!!” “Yeah!” “Allright!” People that go to Superbowls are people with money. This includes corporate sponsors, season tickets holders and such. These people want to spend their money and make the experience a mini vacation. Not one person has ever said, “Honey, pack your bags we’re going to Baltimore.” Sometimes Talk Radio really irritates me.

Take the Jets and the points. My rationale? Chad Pennington has a hot sister. http://www.lakehouse.com/page-12140.html

Pick: Jets

Jeremy: Did I mention that Brian’s teams, on the slate he picked didn’t cover by a combined, like, 50 points? Cuz I think I should mention that.

So he should be right at home with this huge spread, against his beloved Chargers even!

So naturally, if Brian gives 10 points to the Niners at home, they’ll lose by 2.

Pick: Niners

Brian: The only thing worth discussing here is that there isn’t a “Runningback by Committee” better than LT and The Burner. And it’s not even really open for discussion. By the way, who the hell knew Michael Turner was going to get so much playing time? Anyways, onto my random thoughts since I hate this slate.

I love that stylish clothes are being geared toward skinny people. All designer jeans have thin legs and waists. Most even trick you a bit and you have to buy two sizes smaller than usual. People with a 38 inch waist would fit into a 36, but there’s no way they’re going to try and find out. Also, most polos and button-ups are now a “Slim” fit. I can’t wait for the day that fat people will only be able to wear sweats.

Take the points. Not because I’m a Chargers fan. But because you wear 7 Jeans.

Pick: Chargers

Jeremy: Brian hate’s this slate. The team’s Brian picked last week, when he picked the slate — and went 0-3-1 — failed to cover by a combined 50 points. Oh, I mentioned that already? My bad.

Now, you’ll notice that none of that has anything to do with the Bills or the Lions.

But this does: The Bills have Willis McGahee. He went to Miami. Take the Bills.

Pick: Bills

Brian: Nice Jeremy. You know how I feel about one point spreads. I hope you run into a drunken Mel Gibson wielding a trident on one of your walks home from Paulina.

Did any of you happen to catch any of his interviews with Good Morning America? The guy is legitimately insane. Everything is Jew this Jew that. “Jews are responsible for every war, ever.” “I hate Jews.” “Are you a motherfucking Jew?” “Jews have big noses cuz air is free.” Okay, I made that last one up, but you get the point. Imagine for a minute he was angry at black people. Seriously, substitute the N-Bomb into those quotes. Either way it’s repulsive, one just gets more ignored.

Give the points. The Lions are 1-4 with the spread and 0-5 without it.

Pick: Bills

Jeremy: See, there are certain rules in life. You don’t date a friends sister (unless she’s hot). You don’t date a friend’s daughter (unless she’s hot. And legal. Or at least hot). And when you go winless on a slate you picked, I don’t think you get to talk shit the next week.

This looks like Big Ben’s coming out party. Which I’m sure will disappoint a lot of girls out there. Whatever. The Steelers still take it.

Pick: Steelers

Brian: Hmmm, Team-Playing-With-Backup-QB vs. Team-That-Should-Be Playing-With-A-Backup-QB. Have I told you how much I hate this week’s slate?

Take the points. Pittsburgh wins by: I don’t give a damn.

Pick: Chiefs