Happy Thanksgiving!
In order to make up for being a lazy bastard — more on this later — I’m going to pick every game this week! Well, every game except the three that already happened. Oops, sorry aboot that. The first four picks would be the ones that count for my head-to-head with Brian. The rest are just to show how awesomely good I am at picking NFL games. (Winners in bold)
| Panthers at Redskins (+4.5). | The Panthers are back. |
| Raiders at Chargers (-13). | LT is a robot. In between games, he just sits in a chair, RoboCop style, and dreams about his past life as a Detroit cop. They just unplug him on Sundays, and he does his thing. Except he only has one prime directive: Score touchdowns. I swear, I don’t even think the Chargers pay him. I just think he scores TDs because Marty Schottenheimer tells him if he does, he can play with the bunnies when he’s done. |
| Steelers at Ravens (-3). | This is one of those “numbers” picks. Home teams lose. The Ravens are due. Take the Champs |
| Jags at Bills (+3). | Ah, the home dog. The Jags are good. The Bills aren’t. |
And now for the rest of the pics…:
| Texans at Jets (-6). | So we like the Jets so much we’re giving them 6 at home? Yes. We do |
| Bengals at Browns (+3). | Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The ‘gles are only getting three against the Browns? Nothing good has come out of Cleveland since Mo’ Thugs (yeah, that includes the now-defunct Samgreenspan.com.) |
| Cardinals at Vikings(-6.5). | I honestly don’t know. Just seems like one of those games. And no, I don’t know what I mean by that. |
| Niners at Rams (-6). | What happened to that Rams bandwagon? I’d ask its driver, the now-defunct Bill Simmons, but he’s apparently locked in a box at Carolla’s house, like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. (God I hope that produces some good google hits) |
| Saints at Falcons (-3). | My friend Ben is winning our fantasy league. He’s having one of those seasons where he not only has Vick and LT, but started Lee Evans the week he went for 200+ yards and two scores. The gods are obviously smiling on him, so I say Vick has a day. |
| Bears at Patriots (-3). | Lord. This reminds me of when the Pats where giving one (or even) against the Colts two years ago, and they ended up beating them by like 40. Or maybe the Bears win. Whatever. |
| Giants at Titans (+2). | So let me get this straight; the Giants are only giving 2 to the Titans? Well, I buy that. Here’s your upset special for the week. (Special Bonus Diss: How ’bout them Giants. If you were an NFL GM, who would you rather have, Philip Rivers and Shawne Merriman or Eli Manning? Yeah, I thought so. Eli Manning: The Next Jake Plummer) |
| Eagles at Colts (-9). | Letdown? Doubt it. |
| Packers at Seahawks (-9). | I’m sure he’s a nice guy, and I’m sure he loves his momma, but I’d almost put up with the two weeks of the “this is an unspeakable tragedy” stories if Favre would just get hit by a bus so we can be done with him. |
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