We’ll cover records and the past couple of weeks soon. Suffice it to say that: a). No one is reading this anymore, b). Betting on football — even if you’re not really betting — is stupid.
On to the stupidity!
| Saints at Cowboys (-6.5) | |
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Jeremy: This is just one of those seasons, eh? I know you don’t care — because if you did, why would you be reading these picks — but do you have any idea how well favorites are doing against the spread? Well it aint pretty. And I don’t mean that in a “I’m gonna say ‘gross’ but I’ve already jerked to it twice” Britney Spears vagina pics sort of way. I mean, it’s not pretty. So I guess we have to take the Saints here. Besides, I’m starting both Drew Brees and Devery Henderson and I NEED a W. Pick: Saints |
Brian: Tony Romo can’t be this good, right? Was the guy even drafted? Now you’re telling me this kid is going to take the Cowboys to the Superbowl and he’s sticking it in Jessica Simpson? It sounds like he’ll be having tea with Hitler in the afterlife. I’m counting on the Saints playing the Chargers in Miami; they need this game to do that. Take the Saints and the points. Pick: Saints |
| Broncos at Chargers (-7) | |
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Jeremy: People have flipped on the Broncos faster than they’ve flipped on Britney Spears’ vagina. Okay, that doesn’t even make sense. The point is, this team was 6-1 at one point! People were considering them a real Super Bowl contender. And now they don’t deserve 7 points against the Chargers? Well, no, sorry. They don’t. Also, I picked up Shawne Merriman a week before his suspension ended because I am a good fantasy football GM. At least that’s what I tell myself before I cry myself to sleep every night. Pick: Chargers |
Brian: So you bench Plummer and… you get the same result. You still have a stagnant offense and a decent defense. After being demoted to “placekick holder” I don’t see The Snake bouncing back as a Bronco. Cutler’s scared of Merriman; he’s gonna spend Sunday running away from him like he was Michael Richards getting dropped off anywhere on MLK. Take the Bolts. Pick: Chargers |
| Colts at Jags (+1.5) | |
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Jeremy: Speaking of short memories: Your 2006 Colts! They’ve gone from possible undefeated juggernaut to only giving 1.5 against the Jags? You know, they say that Vegas knows. It’s true. That fat fuck Len Pasquarelli doesn’t know. Chris Mortensen doesn’t know. John Clayton…well, he knows, but he’s not going to tell anyone because he’s bitter about having to go to his prom with his sister. But Vegas…Vegas knows. But you know what? Screw Vegas. Colts in a rout. Pick: Colts |
Brian: Heads take the Jags, tails take the Colts. Ready… HEADS!! Seriously that’s how this season is going. Pick: Jaguars |
| Titans at Texans (-1.5) | |
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Jeremy: Sticking with my “screw you Vegas, I’m taking the low-hanging fruit” theme of this week’s picks, I gotta take the Titans. I mean, have you SEEN the Texans this year? Oh…um…no? Wow. Well, honestly, me neither. Then why am I taking the Titans? That’s a very good question. Go ask John Clayton. Pick: Titans |
Brian:Don’t you see what’s going on here? Vegas is FORCING you to take the Titans. I know what you’re thinking, “where can a brotha get some shrimp right about now?” Well, it’s not time to eat, I need you to use your brain right here!!! Take the Texans. Mister Vegas knows something you don’t. Pick: Texans |
1 response so far ↓
Have you been working out? // Dec 13, 2006 at 4:24 pm
Seriously, sometimes people do read. And seriously, this football shit is SO last year.
Perhaps you should try something new? And interesting? And funny?
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