Championship weekend was not kind to Brian and I. First off, we both took the collar, going 0-2 with picks. Secondly, the games meant we had to spend two weeks listening to stories about Peyton Manning and monkeys and backs and black coaches and Rex Grossman and all of that crap, when we could just as easily be talking about New Orleans, and chicks and boobs and plastic beads and Tom Brady and Brian having a homo Man-crush on him and Dynasties and whatnot. Y’know what I’m sayin’?
Brian, if my calculations are correct, is destined to finish the season under .500. I’m going to end up over .500, but not by much. At least I can pick games better than my wife. (Of course, unlike Bill Simmons, or Brian for that matter — hi Adrienne! — I don’t have a wife. But that’s neither here nor there.)
And for the last time this season: On to the picks!
| Bears at Colts (-7) |
| Jeremy: I hate this game. Honestly.
I don’t care about it, and I hate both the Quarterbacks. First off, I don’t think I need to say anything more about Peyton Manning. He’s probably the antichrist. The only nice thing you can say about him is at least he’s not as big a bitch as his brother Eli. But Rex Grossman is no champ either. Here’s a guy who barely beat out Brock Berlin at Florida. And as a fan of the U. (that’s the Miami Hurricanes, for those of you out of the loop) I obviously have a soft spot in my heart for Mister Berlin. And has anyone noticed that he looks strangely like CT from Real World Paris? Now, CT usually does well on those challenges, but I doubt that will translate to gridiron success for gool ol’ Rex. Whatever. I’m rambling. This game is stupid. Take the Pats. They’re not playing? Oh…I mean the Bears. Yeah, they’ll cover. Big surprise, eh? Pick: Bears |
| Brian: The Chicago Bears are BORING, they absolutely lack any real personality. I give you their “Big Names”:
Rex Grossman: The guy is abysmally inefficient, and incredibly dull. The nicest thing you can say about him is that he has a baby face. Is he the only college QB ever, to not get into parties because everyone kept asking, “Dude, who brought their twelve year old cousin?” Brian Urlacher: Actually has some on-field personality. The guy can smash, but do you honestly think anyone outside of Chicago actually owns an Urlacher jersey? Maybe Xzibit, but he’d also wear a Michelle Kwan jersey if they made one. Lovie Smith: This is the biggest story. He is the first (just edging out Tony Dungy) black coach to make the Superbowl. That’s the biggest story? A plate of cold scrambled eggs is as equally riveting. Does anyone care about the whole First-Black-Guy-To anymore? Black people have dominated football since they were allowed to play. Did the media think this would never happen? YOU are a racist for even bringing this up… yeah, you. Thankfully the Colts made it past the Pats, or else this would have been the most nameless Superbowl of all time. Imagine a Bears-Pats game. Now imagine your typical Superbowl audience… How many players’ names would be recognized? One. And that’s only because he shows up in USWeekly and Gap commercials. Indy should CRUISE this Sunday. Peyton Manning is arguably the best QB of our generation (strong emphasis on “arguably”) and Rex Grossman has been playing with two broken arms and a severe head cold; there’s no way he handles the pressure. Take Indy. Give the points. Bienvenidos a Miami. Pick: Colts |
0 responses so far ↓
There are no comments yet...Kick things off by filling out the form below.
Leave a Comment