I was bored, so I went and did eHarmony’s Bazillionty-dimensional Personality Profile thingee.

And I actually did it honestly. You know, like, not lying when it asks things like “I root for certain people to fail” or “I hit sometimes when I’m angry”.

Okay, I made that last one up, but I think it certainly should have been on there.

But wouldn’t you know…eHarmony can’t do anything for me. I’m part of the population that, apparently, has no real match. Not that I’d ever in a million fucking years sign up for the site, but still. I found this part especially interesting:

Some people may see your practical style as lacking compassion. When your compassion is tempered, as it is at times by your discerning questions and careful consideration, it may seem to some like you have too much head and too little heart. And when you use time and energy to take care of yourself there will inevitably be some who see you as selfish and uncaring. But your approach is neither heady nor selfish. It is you. And unless your approach is causing you consistent problems in important relationships, there is really no reason to change. Your distinctive manner of having clear expectations for the relationships in which you will exert your energy is true to the core of you.

Sigh. If only eHarmony could have actually found me someone who appreciates my “distinctive manner”. Either way, I can’t wait for the next time I get into an argument with someone for being insensitive. I’ve got some serious ammunition now. “See?! See?! I’m not being heady! I’m not being selfish! I’m just being me! eHarmony freakin’ SAYS SO! Now stop complaining about whatever tiny logistical minutiae you’re bitching about today and bring me some Taco Bell. Ya fattie!”

Thank you, eHarmony.com!