My friend Jeffy works for Amazon.com.

(That’s not really part of the story, but I wanted to explain why this memory even came to the forefront of my mind)

So I was telling another friend about Jeffy’s wonderful career, and I said something to the effect of “He works for a 6 foot-tall woman who hacked one of her breasts off”. (Get it? Like he works for an “Amazon”? Hey, they can’t all be winners.) Regardless, of course, I’m referencing the myth that Amazon women would remove a breast so as to better be able to pull their bowstrings back.

What does this pertain to? Nothing, really, but having already covered my Junior High thoughts on dating, I figured I’d mention an insult would actually use to torment girls back in the 7th grade:

Ambidextrous Amazon. (Get it? Like they cut bo…yeah, okay, you get it. Sorry. Just checking.)

If running a BBS didn’t knock the girls dead back then, obviously esoteric references to the battle tactics of a mythical warrior-tribe should do the trick. No wonder I didn’t kiss a girl until my senior year.