(Editor’s note: Due the immense laziness of your humble narrator, I never posted the actual pics from week 13. Or, actually, I did, under the title “placeholder”. Just so you know this is all on the up and up, I’ve left that post here, along with Brian’s picks, which were sent to me in time to be posted, at least in theory. But since this sort of thing — the posting — ususally happens on Saturday afternoon, if things get too crazy, it sometimes slips through the cracks. But never fear, we DID pick the games, so here they are. My write-ups, however, were done much later, but the picks are the same)
Originally Post:
Yeah. Sorry.
So, we’ll go with:
Bears
Chargers
Seahawks
Saints
We’ll cover why in a bit.
Write-up, posted January 5th, 2006:
Vikings at Bears (-9)
Jeremy: Devin Hester is from the University of Miami. Is he really the same person as Roscoe Parrish? Or how about Jamie German? Or maybe Kevin Williams?
Has anyone ever seen any of these people in the same room at the same time? I doubt it.
Take the Bears.
Pick: Bears
Brian: The only people I know from Minnesota are Paul Jury and Kirby Puckett. In my head I envision girls from the Midwest to be dark beer guzzling, bratwurst eating, ignorant accent having tubs of lard. Plus the Vikings have purple jerseys; the only thing less masculine is Adrienne’s idea for a team with pink “outfits” called the Flamingos. It’s safe to say Minnesota sucks.
Chicago has the EL Train. Me being from So Cal I give kudos to any city that has an effective mode of public transportation.
Take the Bears. I’ll take the 405 and spend 49 minutes going 3 miles.
Pick: Bears
Chargers at Bills (+6)
Jeremy: Did someone say Roscoe Parrish?
Willis is from “tha’ U” as well, but that’s not going to be enough. Chargers in a rout.
Pick: Chargers
Brian: Either I’m geographically retarded or the city has left no real imprint, but I just had to Mapquest Buffalo to make sure it was actually in New York . New York is known for a great nightlife, good food, fashion and stars, but Buffalo? Not so much. Buffalo is probably considered as much of New York City as Temecula is considered San Diego.
San Diego Plusses: Girls, weather, food, great downtown, beach and me. San Diego Negatives: All of the plusses. No one actually cares about football.
Take the Chargers.
Pick: Chargers
Seahawks at Broncos (-3.5)
Jeremy: The only thing I don’t like about pro football — other than John Madden — is that I don’t really root for anyone. People always ask me who “my team” is, and I say I really don’t have one.
See, I used to root for the Broncos, and when I say that people assume I rooted for them when they were winning Super Bowls, and now don’t care. In fact, the reverse is true; I was a Broncos fan in the late 80s and early 90s when they were losing Super Bowls. When they started winning them, I lost interest.
By all rights, I guess, I should be a Niners fan. But they were so good when I was growing up (the Montana, Rice, Young days) that even at a young age I couldn’t root for them in good conscience. The idiotic, self-entitled Niners fans didn’t help the situation any, although in the hierarchy of idiot fants, they’re not at the top. To whit:
Top 5 Sports Fans Who Should Be Pushed Up Against a Wall And Shot
Yankees fans
USC football fans
Lakers fans
Notre Dame football fans
Niners fans, circa 1989
Given that 2 of the 5 are in SoCal, you can see why no one takes Los Angeles seriously as a sports city. Fuckin’ morons.
The game? Oh, sorry. I guess I got going on a rant there. Take the Seahawks.
Pick: Seahawks
Brian: “That John Denver is full of shit”. 10 bucks to the first person to name that movie quote… Kobe Bryant raped a woman in Colorado. A bunch of school kids got shot. And CU is a bunch of earthy hippie stoners. The best thing out of Colorado is South Park.
I love fish. I could seriously watch those dudes throw and catch whole fish for hours. Remember a few weeks ago when the Seahawks receivers tried to do it? Loved it. It looked liked they were trying to catch a used condom in between their thumbs (I’ve just always wanted to say that). I do hate the rain, but not as much as I hate benched Jake Plummer’s beard.
Seahawks in a rout. Is it possible that Cutler plays so bad he gets benched for Plummer in the third quarter? I doubt it, but I’d love it.
Pick: Seahawks
Niners at Saints (-7)
Jeremy: Maybe it’s just me, but does anyone care about Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush or LenDale White anymore? I mean, I live in USC central — no really, I bet there’s more USC alums around where I live in Los Angeles than anywhere else in the world — and no one gives a shit.
Being a huge Miami fan, I always root for guys from the U. I want Devin Hester to do well. I want Frank Gore to do well. I would say I wanted Gino Torreta to do well, but that guy was a chump and we all knew it.
I don’t know if I have a point, other than to say the Niners were so bad they let Ken Dorsey start a few games. And I hate to break it to you, ‘SC fans, but Dorsey was a better college QB than Leinart.
Whatever. Take the Saints. And Reggie “Where is he now?” Bush.
Pick: Saints
Brian:I’d rather be gay than a hurricane victim. ‘Nough said.
In order to make up for being a lazy bastard — more on this later — I’m going to pick every game this week! Well, every game except the three that already happened. Oops, sorry aboot that. The first four picks would be the ones that count for my head-to-head with Brian. The rest are just to show how awesomely good I am at picking NFL games. (Winners in bold)
Panthers at Redskins (+4.5).
The Panthers are back.
Raiders at Chargers (-13).
LT is a robot. In between games, he just sits in a chair, RoboCop style, and dreams about his past life as a Detroit cop. They just unplug him on Sundays, and he does his thing. Except he only has one prime directive: Score touchdowns. I swear, I don’t even think the Chargers pay him. I just think he scores TDs because Marty Schottenheimer tells him if he does, he can play with the bunnies when he’s done.
Steelers at Ravens (-3).
This is one of those “numbers” picks. Home teams lose. The Ravens are due. Take the Champs
Jags at Bills (+3).
Ah, the home dog. The Jags are good. The Bills aren’t.
And now for the rest of the pics…:
Texans at Jets (-6).
So we like the Jets so much we’re giving them 6 at home? Yes. We do
Bengals at Browns (+3).
Oh, how the mighty have fallen. The ‘gles are only getting three against the Browns? Nothing good has come out of Cleveland since Mo’ Thugs (yeah, that includes the now-defunct Samgreenspan.com.)
Cardinals at Vikings(-6.5).
I honestly don’t know. Just seems like one of those games. And no, I don’t know what I mean by that.
Niners at Rams (-6).
What happened to that Rams bandwagon? I’d ask its driver, the now-defunct Bill Simmons, but he’s apparently locked in a box at Carolla’s house, like the Gimp from Pulp Fiction. (God I hope that produces some good google hits)
Saints at Falcons (-3).
My friend Ben is winning our fantasy league. He’s having one of those seasons where he not only has Vick and LT, but started Lee Evans the week he went for 200+ yards and two scores. The gods are obviously smiling on him, so I say Vick has a day.
Bears at Patriots (-3).
Lord. This reminds me of when the Pats where giving one (or even) against the Colts two years ago, and they ended up beating them by like 40. Or maybe the Bears win. Whatever.
Giants at Titans (+2).
So let me get this straight; the Giants are only giving 2 to the Titans? Well, I buy that. Here’s your upset special for the week. (Special Bonus Diss: How ’bout them Giants. If you were an NFL GM, who would you rather have, Philip Rivers and Shawne Merriman or Eli Manning? Yeah, I thought so. Eli Manning: The Next Jake Plummer)
Eagles at Colts (-9).
Letdown? Doubt it.
Packers at Seahawks (-9).
I’m sure he’s a nice guy, and I’m sure he loves his momma, but I’d almost put up with the two weeks of the “this is an unspeakable tragedy” stories if Favre would just get hit by a bus so we can be done with him.
(Editor’s note: The following picks where submitted late at night on November 18th, after a Saturday of heavy drinking. I had neither the time, nor the inclination to do it “right”. So while the layout has been modified to the standard two-column format and the intro was added on 12/05/06, the picks themselves have not been changed. Which is really too bad, seeing as I could use the help of hindsight. Enjoy!)
Sorry about that. As they say in the biz, “my bad”.
So we missed Week 10 this year, although I’m SURE I would have gone 4-0, and Brian would have taken an 0-4 collar.
But since we’re not living in fantasyland here, we’ll just forget week 10 ever happened, and cover what happened “last” week (week 9): Brian had a strong week at 3-1, pushing his overall record to 18-17-1. I had another 2-2 week (imagine that, the Bears didn’t cover 13 at Miami and lost!), giving me an identical 18-17-1 record. Seriously, anyone who bets on football is an idiot.
On to the picks!
Chargers at Broncos (-2.5)
Jeremy: Chargers. Cuz I have no idea.
Pick: Chargers
Brian: All LT, all day baby! What the hell is Marty’s problem? LT gets 22 carries for 125 and 4 TD’s. Why 22 carries?!?!? That dude should at least get 30 rushes and 5-8 catches. He’s THE BEST PLAYER IN FOOTBALL. No debate. None. Not Peyton Manning, not Tom Brady. L Freakin T. And this isn’t because I’m a Chargers fan. Let’s say you were the GM of a new team and got to pick any current player in the league to build around, who would it be? You’re lying if you don’t say LT, either that or you have no teeth, married your cousin and wear tank-tops, fanny packs and flip-flops with socks.
Pick: Chargers
Bengals at Saints (-3)
Jeremy: Why wouldn’t the Saints win this? Didn’t think so. Right. So take the Bengals.
Pick: Bengals
Brian: Are the Saints THAT good? Is Drew Brees a TOP-5 quarterback? Are they becoming America’s Team? Yes, yes, and yes.
Should the Bengals have beaten San Diego last week? YES.
Should this be a game when the Bengals bounce back from a gut-wrenching loss? No. What reason do they have? They are out of the playoffs, and have had disappointing seasons from both Johnsons and Palmer. Consider the rest of the season tanked.
Saints win in a rout.
Pick: Saints
Colts at Cowboys (+1)
Jeremy: Why wouldn’t the Colts win this? Didn’t think so. Right. So take the Colts.
Pick: Colts
Brian: One point seems awfully low. No way Dallas gives Indy their first loss this year. The pathetic old men ‘72 Dolphins can keep the champagne on ice for another week.
Pick: Colts
Bears at Jets (+7)
Jeremy: The Jets are better than everyone thinks they are. Except I see this being one of those games where the Bears D scores 3 touchdowns. I hate doing this. Theres no way the Bears cover this. But whatever. Take them anyway.
Since I’m pretty sure no one but Jeffy reads this anymore, perhaps this is a tad redundant, but I don’t really care. The aforementioned Jeffy (hi Jeff, love the blog) frequents all sorts of weird music message boards. The sorts of places where — and I’m totally picturing this — people argue over which Radiohead song is the best to masturbate to, and whether 9/11 was predicted by subliminal messages hidden in old Jello Biafra records. You know the type; they always — and I mean always — like the shittiest, most obscure Beatles songs, and invariably have some sort of love for an obscure sub-genre of music that borders on fetishism (”Oh really? You’re really into stereophonic recordings of elk farts played over old Patsy Cline tunes? Wow! How novel!”)
Now, normally I have no use for these people, other than to excitedly ask if they’ve heard the great new Taking Back Sunday record. But apparently one of them came through with a list of how much it costs to get your favorite band to come to your college. Which is weird, because I thought these sorts of people all had the same favorite band (you know, like Pavement or At The Drive In or something equally crappy).
It’s an interesting list, if only to see how much (and in some sad cases, how little) some of your favorite artists would make for a booking. Notable among them is some band called The Format. I’d never heard of them, but apparently they [only] charge 7.5-10k for a show. Why is this notable? Well, I’ve seen all of perhaps two episodes of “My Super Sweet 16″ (I even knew a girl who cast the show. It’s bad enough having to watch those people on TV, where you can at least turn them off if you get fed up. Can you imagine having it be your job to do nothing more than make sure those people are happy? I think I’d rather listen to stereophonic recordings of elk farts. Anyway, I digress….) The point is, on the one episode I saw, The Format was playing the party. It’s a little disappointing to think that some poor kid only got his dad to shell out a measly 10k for his daughter’s happiness. I swear, what is this country coming to?
Regardless, Jeffy sorted the list by booking cost (available as a large Excel file) and posed an interesting question: Who would you book if you had 50 grand to spend?
Personally, I came up with the following: Jedi Mind Tricks 5-7.5K DJ Vadim 3.5-5K Goldie 5-7.5K Amon Tobin 5K Rhymefest 7.5-10K Pharaohe Monche 7.5-10K
With the possible alternative of replacing Amon Tobin, Goldie and DJ Vadim with Lyrics Born and having the X-Ecutioners spin over the whole set.
Remember, oh, 4 or 5 years ago, when you couldn’t get away from R&B songs with vaguely Asian sounding hooks? I don’t know if she started it, but I attribute (read: blame) this phenomenon on Missy Elliot’s (or, perhaps, Timbaland’s) Get Ur Freak On. This was followed by tracks from Tweet (also produced by Timbaland) and Ludacris. Hell, even Erick Sermon’s React carried that same vibe. Luckily — or not luckily, depending on how you look at it -– that sound was swallowed by a dancehall and Latin inspired vibe (blame Sean Paul and the rise of Reggaeton for that).
As an aside, I hope the next “big” thing will be rapping over downtempo instrumentals. Tracks like Amon Tobin’s Four Ton Mantis and Kid Loco’s Flyin’ on 747 seem ripe for looping and rapping (the former even reminds me a little of Dr. Dre’s Guilty Conscience.) That would be a lovely turn for Hip Hop, but I won’t hold my breath. (Addendum: Thanks to Jeffy for pointing out Lupe Fiasco’s Daydream. It’s not exactly what I meant, but it’s sure close, and it certainly rocks more than most Hip Hop you hear on the radio now).
Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that one style that certainly did not take off, is rapping over old ragtime records.
Which is really too bad, when you think about, considering how bad (and uncreative) most hip-hop production is these days. It’s telling that the best beat I’ve heard in awhile –- Show Me What You Got by Jay-Z, if you’re keeping score at home — is a rehash of Rump Shaker by Wreckx-N-Effect and the theme from Shaft In Africa. Things are so bad, apparently, it seems that Timbaland has even recycled that baby noise he used on Aaliyah’s Are You That Somebody. How sick is that?
So it would seem that that old ragtime records would be a veritable treasure trove of “new” material (using the term “new” very loosely). Moby hit a little left of the mark with Play, managing to cut an entire album doing little more than biting old African-American spirituals. Perhaps a similar era, but not the same.
So let’s all pay homage to the one visionary who actually did rap over old ragtime records. Yes, that’s right, we’re talking about Lucas, and his one minor hit, Lucas With the Lid Off. The video was directed by Michel Gondry (who you know as the director of Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) and was, apparently, shot all in one take.
Without further ado, I give you JeremyAbramson.com™ Presents: Flashback Tuesday, Volume I: Lucas – Lucas With the Lid Off
(Editor’s Note: Yes, I know it’s not a Tuesday. I’m a little late. Sue me.)
As I mentioned before, my friends started an online comedy network, with videos they’ve shot, edited, produced, etc. Well, the time has come, my friends….
At the halfway point of the season we’re in pretty sorry shape. After posting a 1-3 week last week, Brian dropped below the Mendoza line at 15-16-1. I’m barely doing better, going 2-2 last week and 16-15-1 overall. I don’t have time to do it now, but I’ll edit this soon with a week-by-week rundown of how stupid we are when it comes to doing this.
On to this week’s picks!
Broncos at Steelers (-2)
Jeremy: I had no idea the Steelers lost to the Raiders last weekend. As I mentioned, I was out of town and out of the loop.
Sorta engenders confidence in the picks, doesn’t it?
At any rate, the Broncos are the better team here. Although Roethlisberger is my [waiver wire] backup QB in fantasy, so I guess I should be rooting for him. But honestly I have no idea. I haven’t really eaten much today, except for my second — lifetime — trip to the freakin’ Olive Garden. I was all ready to go shopping at CostCo and get one of them hotdogs I love so much, but then Noah called and said he and Sam were gonna go play racquetball.
That has nothing to do with anything, except for the fact that those idiots like Olive Garden, and that’s really the only thing I’ve had to eat today. And now I’m drinking a Malibu and Coke because it’s the only thing we have in the house.
Take the Broncos, and screw the Olive Garden
Pick: Broncos
Brian: Seriously, how are the Steelers favored in this one? I know the Colts can’t stop the run, and that’s how Denver dropped 31 on the last week. But come on, Pittsburgh lost to the freakin’ Raiders last week, and now they’re favorites?!?! They shouldn’t be favored over Harvard!! This makes no sense to me. This seems like such an obvious pick, I should probably go the other way… BUT take the points.
On a related note, what was the deal with all that QB controversy talk in Denver? The Broncos were 5-1 and they were keeping Plummer on a short-leash for a rookie. Then they LOSE a game, but score over 30 by RUNNING all over Indy, and Jake’s job is safe. In case none of that made sense to you… exactly.
PS. Who looks more like Splinter from TMNT, Mike Shannahan or Rip Hamilton?
Pick: Broncos
Colts at Patriots (-2.5)
Jeremy: Wow, aren’t these “high interest” games SOOO much more exciting to “wager” on that Texans verus Titans?
No? Didn’t think so.
I hate Brian.
I totally subscribe to the “Colts in November, Pats in January” thing, except for the fact that I’m not really sure that’s how you spell “January”.
But not this time. I think the Pats try to make a statement.
(Post script to Brian: I’d fucking kill that dude in the Gauntlet, Inferno, or a side alley. Trust me on this one, Broseph)
Pick: Patriots
Brian: This game is already getting too much media attention, so I won’t want to delve too deeply into the Psyche of Peyton Manning or the argument of Rings over Stats. But I will say this, take the Patriots in January, and take the Colts in November.
On an unrelated note, would you ever choose to go against Derrick in a Challenge? No way. Did you see how that dude manhandled 300 pound Big Easy on Thursday? Unreal.
Pick: Colts
Bengals at Ravens (-3)
Jeremy: So let me get this straight…the “Superbowl Contenders” are 3 point dogs against the Ravens?
Sure.
Oh, and remember when Brian said don’t bet on the Ravens the rest of the year and they covered the 2 against the Saints on the road? Yeah, me neither.
I don’t even know what I’m saying. Take the Ravens.
Pick: Ravens
Brian: Who really even know at this point? The Bengals are a mess. Carson isn’t as healthy as we thought. Rudi Johnson is underperforming. And Chad Johnson has what, one touchdown? Then look at the Ravens and they have OVERperformed. They should be 1-6 right now. Steve McNair is going to fall apart any day now. It’ll look like someone taking a baseball bat to building made of Legos. And they have waited waaaay to long to start Musa Smith (who will be great BTW).
Adrienne makes good blueberry pancakes. Take the points.
Pick: Bengals
Dolphins at Bears (-13.5)
Jeremy: I can’t believe Brian is taking the Dolphins here.
Let’s recap, if you don’t mind. Brian is:
Taking a huge underdog
That’s starting Joey Harrington at Quarterback
On the road
Against an undefeted team
Yeah, that about sums it up. If this was 2002, and the Bears were Washington State, I’d say take the ‘fins. Otherwise, the Bears win this one by 17.
Pick: Bears
Brian: Jeremy doesn’t appreciate me choosing these large spread games. Well I don’t appreciate Nehemiah being all up on Beth; sometimes you just have to deal. (For those of you keeping score at home, that’s two Duel references).
As long as the Bears keep blowing out bad teams, bet them to cover. As long as the Bears keep beating up on these bad teams accept the fact that illiterates will consider them a Superbowl threat. Bet on the Bears today. Bet on the Bears losing in the first-round by 30.
After four days in Boston and two in New York, I’m safely back home in Redondo. Luckily for me, the weather was pretty much gorgeous on the east coast, but it’s good to be home. I think the biggest problem with me leaving Southern California isn’t the weather, or the people, or the general anxiety travel can cause. It’s the socks. Really. After having my Reefs surgically grafted to my feet, it was freakin’ weird to have to spend almost an entire week wearing “real” shoes.
Other than that, I had no complaints. Except for the women in Boston. Boston gives Portland a run for its money in terms of “big cities without any attractive people”. And I hung out on Boylston and in Cambridge! Anyway, for those of you scoring at home:
Total number of cities visited: 2
Different types of mass transit taken: 5 (The T, the Subway, Greyhound, Taxis and 2 different airlines)
Number of places visited purporting to be the best pizza in New York (and therefore, you’d figure, the world) 1 (And I’m not gonna lie, Grimaldi’s is the shit)
Total number of White Castle hamburgers consumed: 0 (so sad!)
Number of $10 pairs of mall-kiosk sunglasses lost: 1
Number, in dollars, spent on alcoholic beverages by the MIT graduate biology department for their Halloween party 1500
[Approximate] Percentage of alcohol at said party imbibed by me, my friend Ed, and a particularly drunk Persian guy with an eye for my friend Ed’s wife: 55%
Number of times threated with throat-slitting by said intoxicated Persion guy who was thisclose to catching a severe beating by me and some friends: 1
[Approximate] number of people in the Boston metro area who think they’re hard-asses from Southie: 4 million
[Approximate] number of people in Boston metro area who live outside Dorchester who actually are hard-asses 10.
Total number of tones used in performance of Schoenberg’s “Moses and Aron”, as viewed from the Boston Symphony orchestra : 12
[Approximate] number of times I shook my head and said “this is why god invented scales and modes” during aforementioned performance: 56
Number of obnoxiously overpriced Boston restaurants visited: 2 (Are tapas the new sushi? Or is sushi the new tapas again? Was I out of the office when all of this happened? I’m confused)
[Approximate] number of people in the Boston metro area taller than me at 6′4″: 0
So there you have it. The numbers don’t lie!
And in completely un-East Coast trip related news… Number of castmembers of Laguna Beach that I’ve obsessed about and subsequently friend-requested on Myspace: 1.
I really hope she says yes. I’ll keep you posted….
Last week was a bit unfortunate, with both Brian and I posting matching 1-3 records, bringing our overall marks to 14-13-1. Hopefully with me picking the slate this week, we can avoid falling into complete mediocrity.
On to the picks!
Ravens at Saints (-2)
Jeremy: To hear sports writers tell it, the Saints can’t lose at home, mostly because they have Jesus on their side. Well, if you haven’t gathered from context clues, I’m Jewish. What this has to do with Drew Brees or Ray Lewis, I don’t really know, but it’s almost 11pm, I’m in New York, and I’m tired.
But I guess the real point is, why would the Saints, a 5-1 team, be giving only two to a offensive-coordinator-less Ravens team led by a concussed Steve McNair? At home?
Well, I don’t have a good answer for that, but I’ll glad the line is what it is. Take the Saints, and say thanks that for once, we know more than Vegas does.
Pick: Saints
Brian: I have nothing to say about this game.
Do yourself a favor and don’t bet on the Ravens the rest of the season.
Pick: Saints
Texans at Titans (-3)
Jeremy: If I was Bill Simmons, I’d say something like “Lundy! Collins! It’s the NFL on CBS!” But I’m not Bill Simmons. And by “not Bill Simmons” I mean I’m not an Irish-cursed wonk who can’t pick games better than his wife.
What I am is a tired guy who’s desperately trying to get this picks out before Sunday. That being the case, I think I gotta go with the Titans here; mostly because of Travis Henry, and mostly because I have no idea what I’m talking about.
Pick: Titans
Brian: Awesome game. Seriously, is anybody going to watch this? It’s the equivalent of gambling on a midget miniature golf tournament. Nobody really gives a damn. But since Jeremy picked this weeks slate, he’s good for at least one of these dirty toilet paper games. So take the points, because who really knows? I’ll have the nothing sandwich with a side of who cares, please.
Pick: Texans
Rams at Chargers (-9.5)
Jeremy: Nine and a half points is a lot. Like, really. And the Rams are a good team. Besides, every single one of the Chargers is a huge ‘roid head. I mean, remember that wonderful draft the Chargers had two years ago? Luis Castillo and Shawn Merriman. Well, Castillo was busted for ‘roids in college and Merriman was just suspended last week.
Brian is a huge Chargers fan. He also has better defined abs than I do.
Must be the ‘roids.
Pick: Rams
Brian: I get the feeling that fans and the media almost root for someone like Barry Bonds to get caught cheating. The guy acts like a complete jerk to beat writers and fans. It’s easy to develop such a strong disliking towards athletes like this. But it SUCKS when it happens to be someone like Shawne Merriman. The guy grew up homeless. HOMELESS!! As in he didn’t have a home. He worked his ass of to get where he is. He got his name ‘Lights Out’ because he knocked some poor kid unconscious every game in High School. He realizes his dream and without press recognition donates a hefty chunk of his pay to shelters, selflessly giving back to where he came from. The guy has totally embraced San Diego and their fans, and like THAT, it’s snatched away. I feel cheated in a way. Maybe more like he cheated on me. I trusted the guy, I really believed he was naturally gifted and worked hard to get where he is, and to find this out is crushing as a Chargers fan. I’ll still root for him and the Bolts this weekend, but watching Merriman obliterate somebody’s face won’t be the same…
9.5 is a lot in the NFL. I feel a bounce back game for San Diego, but Tory Holt told me he’s going to score 25 touchdowns this year. Take the points. Don’t take steroids.
Pick: Rams
Pats at Vikings (+2)
Jeremy: I can’t compete with Brian’s man-crush on Tom Brady.
And lord have I tried.
I’ve also seemingly never picked a Pats game correctly. Take the Pats.
Pick: Patriots
Brian: I would say ‘Yes’ if Tom Brady proposed to me. Seriously, I would divorce Adrienne, move to San Francisco, wear leather pants, show off my bare midriff and ride on the back of his motorcycle. And if Tom Brady proposed to Adrienne? Same scenario. Maybe that’s why she and I work so well as a couple. We share a strong common bond: our undying love for attractive, wealthy, famous men.
Anyways, the Patriots are the best football organization we have seen in a LONG time. Don’t be surprised if you see them playing in Miami at the end of the season. Stout D, efficient QB and great use of the RBBC. Acronyms aside, give the points.
I’ve been in Boston for 2 days now, and surprisingly, have heard that obnoxious Boston accent only once. Part of this, I imagine, is due to my current locale; my sister lives in a trendy, somewhat upscale (and apparently gay) section of Boston. Part of this, I further imagine, is because of the places I’ve traveled — the freedom trail, a bar called “The Foggy Goggle”, various and sundry upscale eateries — aren’t the sort of places you’d hear that sort of thing.
But, as I mentioned, I haven’t completely escaped that heinous speech pattern. Whilst checking my bag at the lovely Long Beach — as in, sunny southern California — International (!!!) Airport, the [decidedly African-American] man helping me said, “Oh, you’re going to Boston? Are you going to pahk the cah at Hahvahd Yahd?”
Now, I’m not sure what the appropriate response is to this. Obviously, I’m not going to be parking anything, much less over at Harvard. I don’t even know if I’ll make it up to Cambridge. Besides, what would I park? I don’t have an account with ZipCar, and my sister is having some trouble with the draconian automotive title rules employed by the great state of Massachusetts. And even if they had the title, could I really park their obnoxious not-quite-a-car, not-quite-an-SUV? To hear everyone tell it, there is no place to park in Boston. I guess perhaps this “Harvard Yard” is different, but I imagine not.
Now, the astute reader might notice that perhaps this what phrased as a sort of rhetorical question. To this I cannot speculate. But in the interest of full disclore, I must say that my answer to this lovely query, rhetorical or not, was, “Um, yeah”.
I hope it’s not a federal offense to lie to airport personnel.
